My schedule changes today, but just for today. Today instead of driving down to Spartanburg to teach, I stay in town for the last day of CPE. I've got copies of my final paper/report. We will gather in the conference room for our last day where we will read each other's final papers/reports. Then our Educator has 20 days to write his comments. At some point, that report goes to my synod Candidacy Committee. As I understand it, it's not on file anywhere else; if someone in the future wants it, it's in my control.
It's hard to imagine anyone outside of my committee asking to see it, or even knowing of its existence. But I will keep both electronic and paper copies, just in case. I have a file cabinet of documents that may never be needed again, but I keep them, just in case.
It's been strange, being back in the classroom at Spartanburg Methodist College, without being fully done with CPE. In some ways, this summer seems like a strange dream. In some ways, it was. But more specifically, I'm feeling the same way I did when I lived in seminary housing and came to the mountains for short visits. When I was in one place, it almost felt like the other place had been a dream.
I have given today's students out-of-class assignments. I'm grateful that technology allows me to do this, and that I'm at a school that allows this.
I am looking forward to seeing everyone again, but it will be bittersweet because it's likely the last time. My, that sounds apocalyptic, doesn't it? So, let me be more specific: our time of seeing each other every day is over. For me, it's been over for the past two weeks, but today is really the end of our time being colleagues in this way.
Yesterday and today, my brain was full of topics both mundane and consequential. Remember to fill your water cup with ice, the way you don't need to do when you go to Spartanburg. Don't forget your employee lanyard. Did I neglect anything in the final report? I wish I had had a chance to make cookies for us all. Is there a possibility that I might fail at this late date?
Last night I was so exhausted that I went to bed by 6:15--in some ways, CPE ends just as it began. I am hopeful that it won't always be this way. I was tired from teaching 3 classes back to back, the kind of classes where we are moving past the easy, first week stuff, where part of my brain is focused on the day's work and part is thinking ahead to what needs to happen next. I was tired from the intense writing I've been doing to finish the CPE document. I was tired from driving.
On Monday, I was tired, but it was different. I was able to stay awake and make the above sketch, make another sketch for a friend in quarantine, write her a letter to go with the sketch, and read a bit.
Early in CPE days, I discovered a tin of high quality Crayola markers in a filing cabinet, and I've had fun experimenting with them. A few days ago, I ordered a tin for myself. It's the perfect size, and it would mean I didn't have to transport all my Copic markers to the living room when I want to sketch in the evenings.
Why am I not sewing in the evenings? I feel like I've lost the thread (pun intended). There is a streamlined version of Quilt Camp that starts next week, so I hope to have a chance to sort through my materials (and material) and to remember what I was thinking/planning when I put everything away after the last quilt camp.
Today feels very transitional. I hope I get to the end of today saying, yes, I am done with CPE--well done, good and faithful Kristin--with tears in my eyes, of course.

1 comment:
Well done indeed, good and faithful Kristin! Endings are the order of the moment. I am a full week away from full time retirement from 27+ years as the chaplain in a Baptist affiliated nursing home and rehab center as you end CPE. I've been going through my filing cabinet at work and recycling 98% of what I'd accumulated. Yeh, I don't think you're going to need those copies of the reports or assessments. But I've been going through all the CPE notes and stuff from 7 (yes 7) units including my residency. It's good to review and see where I've come from and how I've grown, in some ways as outlined in the goals of my units and in other ways totally unexpected. You may find the same. Early on my chaplain mentor said life is about beginnings and endings and so it has proven to be. Yesterday was my retirement party and so much has come back to me to confirm that, especially as a palliative care chaplain dealing with end of life. Sunday I will preach on Luke 12:32 so it was appropriate to see your drawing, thank you. I celebrate the Holy One's pleasure in me, my little flock and all who tread the path of seminary education, clinical training, and other avenues to serving. You too! Blessings abundant in where the journey takes you.
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