Thursday Strands: Mountains and Abandoned Summer Camps and a New Version of "Frankenstein"

This morning, I'm a bit tired, and yet I still have two teaching days to go.  So let me collect some strands and see if they make a coherent cloth:

--I am officially done with CPE, although I'm sure I'll continue thinking about it and processing it all for some time.  It was such a mixture of things:  rewarding, exhausting, challenging, on and on I could go.  I feel very lucky to have had a great group of people in the Chaplains department.  I have heard the CPE horror stories, and each day I felt immense gratitude for the people around me.

--Yesterday, the morning view of the mountains was stunning, with swirls of clouds.  I thought, I will miss this view.  Of course, I'll have other views of other mountains throughout the week as I drive back and forth to Spartanburg and Bristol.

--I read an interview with Guillermo del Toro, who has directed/created a new version of Frankenstein.  How fortuitous that it comes out the same semester when I'm teaching it!  It sounds like it will be a movie that is more faithful to the book than past movies have been, but I've been fooled that way before.

--Last night, as I focused on bill paying tasks, my spouse had a YouTube video playing about Thoreau's Walden--it was a delightful listen of snippets from the journal along with some biographical and historical tidbits.  I have no idea what the purpose of the video was; it didn't seem deep enough to have an educational purpose, and it didn't include a lot of personal appreciation.

--This morning, as I walked around camp, I thought of families who have bought old camps.  I thought of the E. B. White essay, "Once More to the Lake," that my Creative Writing class is reading and using for inspiration.  I'm thinking of a book for middle school readers, sort of a Harriet the Spy, if Harriet lived at an abandoned summer camp and was an aspiring naturalist.  Or maybe it's a story for older readers, and maybe it involves a ghost from the 19th century.

Last Day of CPE

My schedule changes today, but just for today.  Today instead of driving down to Spartanburg to teach, I stay in town for the last day of CPE.  I've got copies of my final paper/report.  We will gather in the conference room for our last day where we will read each other's final papers/reports.  Then our Educator has 20 days to write his comments.  At some point, that report goes to my synod Candidacy Committee.  As I understand it, it's not on file anywhere else; if someone in the future wants it, it's in my control.  

It's hard to imagine anyone outside of my committee asking to see it, or even knowing of its existence.  But I will keep both electronic and paper copies, just in case.  I have a file cabinet of documents that may never be needed again, but I keep them, just in case.

It's been strange, being back in the classroom at Spartanburg Methodist College, without being fully done with CPE.  In some ways, this summer seems like a strange dream.  In some ways, it was.  But more specifically, I'm feeling the same way I did when I lived in seminary housing and came to the mountains for short visits.  When I was in one place, it almost felt like the other place had been a dream.

I have given today's students out-of-class assignments.  I'm grateful that technology allows me to do this, and that I'm at a school that allows this.

I am looking forward to seeing everyone again, but it will be bittersweet because it's likely the last time.  My, that sounds apocalyptic, doesn't it?  So, let me be more specific:  our time of seeing each other every day is over.  For me, it's been over for the past two weeks, but today is really the end of our time being colleagues in this way.

Yesterday and today, my brain was full of topics both mundane and consequential.  Remember to fill your water cup with ice, the way you don't need to do when you go to Spartanburg.  Don't forget your employee lanyard.  Did I neglect anything in the final report?  I wish I had had a chance to make cookies for us all.  Is there a possibility that I might fail at this late date?

Last night I was so exhausted that I went to bed by 6:15--in some ways, CPE ends just as it began.  I am hopeful that it won't always be this way.  I was tired from teaching 3 classes back to back, the kind of classes where we are moving past the easy, first week stuff, where part of my brain is focused on the day's work and part is thinking ahead to what needs to happen next.  I was tired from the intense writing I've been doing to finish the CPE document.  I was tired from driving.

On Monday, I was tired, but it was different.  I was able to stay awake and make the above sketch, make another sketch for a friend in quarantine, write her a letter to go with the sketch, and read a bit.  

Early in CPE days, I discovered a tin of high quality Crayola markers in a filing cabinet, and I've had fun experimenting with them.  A few days ago, I ordered a tin for myself.  It's the perfect size, and it would mean I didn't have to transport all my Copic markers to the living room when I want to sketch in the evenings.

Why am I not sewing in the evenings?  I feel like I've lost the thread (pun intended).  There is a streamlined version of Quilt Camp that starts next week, so I hope to have a chance to sort through my materials (and material) and to remember what I was thinking/planning when I put everything away after the last quilt camp.

Today feels very transitional.  I hope I get to the end of today saying, yes, I am done with CPE--well done, good and faithful Kristin--with tears in my eyes, of course.

A Look Back at Music Week

What a week it has been!  Today is the last day of Music Week at Lutheridge.  The pastor of my South Florida church and his wife have stayed with us.  She participates in Music Week, while he goes off to photograph waterfalls.  My mom and dad have stayed at Lutheridge lodging, but we've seen them every day, often for the evening meal.  My spouse has also participated in Music Week.  I have still been deep in C.P.E., but I have done evening activities:  worship service on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, and the hymnfest last night at the gorgeous St. James Episcopal church in nearby Hendersonville.

The week has zoomed by.  Each morning, I've gone for a walk with my pastor's wife, who is a dear friend.  

We've left the house at 6 a.m., take our walk, had heart-to-heart conversations during our walk, and then returned for oatmeal.  Then I've gone off for chaplaincy training.

One morning on our walk, we noticed a car up the road that had stopped.  As we approached, the car pulled forward and told us to be careful, as there was a mother bear and 4 cubs down the driveway.

I couldn't get a shot of all of the bears, but I am sure that there were 4 cubs.  That made me so happy.  Various neighbors have seen a mother bear with two cubs, which made us wonder about the other cubs.  Now it seems we might have multiple bears in the neighborhood.  I'm glad to see that they've survived.

We are at the midway point of chaplaincy training.  I've spent part of the week writing a document about what I've learned so far and what I hope to learn in the remaining time.  It's a more complex document than one might expect.  We also spent a day in our cohort discussing what we've written and experienced.  A major part of CPE is the processing of it all, and I'm grateful for that aspect.

Summer is zooming by!  In some ways we're at the midway point of summer, but in fact, we're slightly past the midway point.  My online classes that I teach will end in just a few weeks, and my onground classes begin on August 12.

Our houseguests leave today, but my mom and dad will stay for the week-end.  I'm glad that we can all take the time to be together a bit longer, to linger in the midpoint of summer.

The Boss and Me

I have noticed that I am standing up straighter as I make my rounds during the work day.  Sadly, I still have a fairly hunched over posture when I sit at the computer.  I also try to smile and project a peaceful presence throughout the day.  

On Thursday,  a much older man said to me, "You look like somebody who knows she's the boss."  I smiled, and he said, "No really, you look like the person who's in charge of this place."  I said, "I assure you, I am not the boss."  It was a kinder interchange than it sounds here on the page.

In some ways, it felt evolved--instead of being complimented on my looks or my smile, the man might have been complimenting me on something career related.  But it also made me think of that whole pre-Covid movement for women to claim their authority, to act more like men who were in charge, that whole Bosslady trend that spawned a billion TikToks and memes and merchandising.  I am not the Bosslady, nor was meant to be, to paraphrase Shakespeare or T. S. Eliot.

As I took my walk back to the elevator, I thought about other ways I could have responded.  I thought about Bruce Springsteen and all the song lyrics I could have offered in response:  "Tramps like us, baby we were born to run."  But I suspect that most people wouldn't get that reference.  I thought about how I would be happy to be more like Springsteen, a man who really is the boss in so many ways.  But his touring schedule would be exhausting.

I thought of Bruce Springsteen yesterday as I was taking a walk around camp.  Because I had the federal holiday off of work, I went later than usual.  I saw the campers gathering for Morning Watch, and I heard the blast of music, the opening chords to Springsteen's "Born in the U.S.A.," an interesting choice for Independence Day.  I thought of politicians who have tried to co-opt the song without listening to the lyrics.  It is such an amazing song, and it was my Springsteen entry drug.  I remember buying the record that contained the song (yes, on vinyl) in the early days of fall semester 1984, where I was at Wal-Mart buying a fan for my dorm room that had no air conditioning.  I have never loved another Springsteen album the way I LOVED that one:  all the songs are great, and there's a narrative arc (or maybe it's just a theme that connects them all) when one listens straight through.

The playlist for the campers' Morning Watch went to John Mellencamp's "R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.," a much happier song lyrically.  And later, I heard them singing "The Star Spangled Banner," voices drifting down the hill to where I stood at the berry brambles, eating as many black raspberries as were ripe.  

It was a perfect start to Independence Day 2025, which included hamburgers AND hot dogs, a watching of Independence Day (which I had not seen again since I saw it in the theatre on the week-end it was released), and a neighborhood potluck.

Lifting Up My Eyes

If I had to choose a text that sums up this week, the text that has surfaced in my brain more than any other, it would be this one:

As part of my self-care each day, I try to leave the hospital at least once to go look at the mountains.  And I continue to be struck by how many patient rooms have a window with a view of the mountains.  The other day, when I was with a non-verbal patient, I commented on the wonderful view, and he sat up to look out the window.  It was the first moment that I felt sure that he understood what I had just said, and this verse came to my brain, in all its King James version glory.

Yesterday my monthly Bible study met by way of Zoom.  It's become a way for members of my Florida church to stay in touch, even as some of us have moved very far away.  Yesterday, we didn't have a definitive plan for the meeting, and I happened to have the Psalm open in a website.  So we did a lectio divina on the Psalm, and I did a bit of sketching while we discussed.

The sketch is done with fine tip pens, and then I took a watercolor brush and brushed water over it.  The color for the sky comes from the color in the brush when I went over the mountains with the wet brush.  

It's not exactly what I had in mind when I started, but that's part of what makes it wonderful.  Between the uncertainty of the ink and the water, and my non-professional skill, it makes art an adventurous process, which can reveal much more than if I had skills to reproduce the same image, time after time.

I am planning to take supplies with me to work and to spend some time each week sketching--another self-care practice I hope to implement.  Exploring self-care practices is one of my learning goals, so I'm allowed to explore them--what a joy to be in such a place!

When Patients Pray for the Chaplain

Long ago, I had assumptions about what it meant to be a chaplain in a hospital.  I assumed that the chaplain would come along after the doctors had visited the patient, that the chaplain would do pastor type things, like praying and perhaps communion and last rites, depending on denomination.

At some later point, when I'm done with chaplain training and have more time in the mornings, I may write about what we've been doing as chaplains--it's much more intense than just praying, and in fact, prayer may not even be part of a chaplain visit.

In an ideal world, the hospital chaplain is not the only one giving pastoral care--the patient's pastor may be visiting too.  Of course, many people don't have a home church, and even if they do, the home church may not have a traditional pastor, who can make regular hospital visits.  For my parish, Faith Lutheran in Bristol, I can visit after Sunday worship, but that's it.  Fortunately, parishioners can fill in the gap, and they do, but not every church community is so lucky.

Yesterday, I had a variety of hospital visits, and the whole week has been one of variety.  I've had expected joys, like my own prayers, most of them silent.  I've also had unexpected joys, like when a patient offers to pray.   I don't know why I didn't expect to have people pray for me, but I have been surprised at my overwhelming gratitude when others pray.

I shouldn't be surprised.  I remember getting a Christmas card from Mepkin Abbey with this notation:  "The monks of Mepkin are praying for you and with you."  I burst into tears. 

I don't have the time to explore this idea in depth this morning, but I did want to record this joy so that it doesn't disappear into the mists of memory.

(This meditation will show as published on Saturday, June 28.  I actually wrote it on Friday, June 27, but forgot to hit "publish")

Whirlwind Week

What a whirlwind of a week!  On Tuesday, I felt a bit draggy, with that, "It's only Tuesday" despair.  It's been exhausting and wonderful and overwhelming with some relief thrown in.  Let me capture a few overarching themes and capture some items I want to remember.

CPE Training

Of course, the big news of the week has been the beginning of CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education), the process that trains chaplains to work in a variety of settings.  My setting for this summer is the Asheville VA Hospital, and so far, it's a great place to work.  I've written several blog posts already, so I won't write much more. 

Yesterday we shadowed various people from the chaplain department.  We went on rounds, we visited individuals, and some of us went to groups.  It was great to leave the conference room and to have a day where we did a variety of activities.  By the end of the day, I had gotten all my keys and gotten my Chaplain badge that tells people more about who I am.

Poem Ideas

My work this week gave me inspiration for possible poems.  Let me record them here so that I remember.  The most promising idea is Noah's Wife working as a chaplain in the VA hospital.  Hospital, ark, are they really so different?  I also see some potential in putting Cassandra in CPE training--Cassandra who has spent so much of her life with people not listening to her.  And now, she is training herself to keep silent, which she discovers is not a gift she has.

Wildlife Sightings

Yesterday on my way to work, a commuting route that takes me down the Blue Ridge Parkway, I saw two big turkeys crossing the road, along with at least 12 baby chicks.  Are baby turkeys called chicks?  Anyhow, I was able to come to a stop to let them get safely across.  On Thursday, I had a less dramatic turkey sighting, just one turkey standing by the side of the Blue Ridge Parkway.

My spouse had a much more dramatic wildlife sighting.  In broad daylight, a smallish bear came up on the deck, raised up on two legs, and licked all of the birdseed out of the feeder affixed to the sliding glass door.  The bear then ambled around the deck and then left.  My spouse was inside.

Success in Advocating for a Student

One of my online students from several semesters ago wrote to me asking me for help:  a letter to his current school to help him get the class that I taught to be counted as a writing class.  I was happy to do it.  I had to go back to review the class, since it's not one I taught often.  I wrote a solid letter showing how the class met the writing intensive goals of the student's current school.  Yesterday I heard from the student who wrote to thank me and to let me know that the class had been counted as a writing class--my letter convinced them!  I am always happy for this kind of good news. 

What I'm Not Writing About    

In future years, will I wonder why I didn't write more about the protests in L.A. or the military parade and protests happening today?  Will I wonder why I didn't write more about the Israel-Iraq escalation?  In future years will I see CPE as a life changing experience?  What am I not seeing?

Thoughts on the Hospital Itself

I have spent over 8 hours each day this week at the Asheville VA Hospital as I get hospital chaplain training through the CPE program.  As I have walked the halls, I've reflected on what I expected to find and what is actually here.

I have spent much of my life hearing about the VA medical system as one big huge mess.  I have seen NO evidence of that here on the ground.  Granted, I am not receiving care, and I am not dealing with bills.  But the hospital itself is clean and bright with lots and lots of staff.  Most of the staff smile at people as they walk down the halls.

I've had a chance to go beyond the public areas to people's rooms, and I see the same thing:  clean rooms, windows with a view, staff monitoring patient health, everyone calm and professional.  I do realize I have yet to see the wards where I be more likely to see disturbing sights, like operating rooms or the wards where people having a mental health crisis are served.

I'm happy to see art on the walls:  art that celebrates veterans, art that tries to capture the beauty of the outdoor world, art that seeks to inspire and comfort.  I'm happy to see small garden spaces as I walk outside, and these spaces are visible inside too.

I'm happy to know about the wide variety of services.  I think of the Asheville VA Hospital as being one of the smaller ones in the system, and if that's true, I can't imagine how large the larger hospitals must be.  During orientation, we found out that our hospital routinely is ranked in the top 3 of the VA hospitals in terms of patient satisfaction.

I am satisfied too.  My colleagues in the chaplains unit are wonderful, as are the others with whom we interact.  I feel very fortunate.

The First Day of CPE

I am happy to report that the first day of CPE went well.  I had no trouble getting to the hospital--no rush hour traffic when I left at 7:10 yesterday morning.  As I drove down the Blue Ridge Parkway, I reflected on the beauty of all of my commutes across the mountains in all directions.

I met all the folks who will be a major part of my life this summer:  the chaplains, the chaplain residents, the educators, my cohort.  They all seem friendly.  We are a diverse group in terms of Christian belief and backgrounds and education.

After a day of training, I am so impressed with how the spiritual life of patients is protected/provided for within the VA hospital system.  I look forward to seeing how the theories we discussed yesterday play out in the wards we will serve.

My summer cohort, the interns of the group, will only serve the Med/Surg ward, since we are only here for the summer.  Residents who sign on for a year rotate through all the wards of the hospital, which sounds more grueling but also intriguing.

We spent time yesterday talking about the theories that undergird the spiritual care we'll be offering.  They are all familiar to me:  liberation theology and family systems theory and the liberatory education ideas of Paulo Friere.  We talked about ways to talk to patients that will encourage them to process what they're experiencing in the hospital, ways that are familiar from my spiritual direction certificate program.

It will be a different summer, to be sure.  It's been a long time since I spent 40+ hours a week in the same place doing the same type of work day after day.  When I woke up with an aching back and torso in general, I thought about how long it's been since I spent 8 hours sitting at a desk like I did yesterday.  Happily the whole summer will not be sitting at a desk, but it will be more sitting than I've been used to in the past few years.

Let me resolve to do micro-walks and stretching whenever I have a break, no matter how short.  Let me remember that small efforts are as important as large ones.

I got home last night, had a great conversation with my spouse about the day, and then not much later, went to bed.  It was only 7:30, to be sure, but it was rainy, and I was exhausted and happy that I'm able to go right to bed. 

Now to get ready for what today brings, by getting a walk in, by having my sturdy breakfast of porridge, by thinking about my clothes.  And then, onward, across the mountain, back to the hospital for the second day of CPE.

The Hour Before CPE Begins

Today I begin Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE), a part of the training of everyone who hopes to be a ordained into ELCA Word and Sacrament ministry.  Think of it as an internship program for chaplains; some people do their training in prisons, but the vast majority of CPE training is done in hospitals.  I will do my training at the Asheville VA hospital, which is much less of a commute than other parts of my life.

I don't have much information about what we'll be doing or what our schedule will be.  I hope to get more details today when orientation begins.  I don't know who will be doing the training.  I don't have any information on fellow CPE students, although I assume there are some, because there were three other e-mail addresses on the e-mail that came last night giving us first day instructions.

I've packed a bag with notetaking supplies and paper for possible downtimes.  I wanted to take a book, something that didn't weigh much, so I chose a book of poems.  I decided to go with one I've already read and loved, Jeannine Hall Gailey's Field Guide to the End of the World, which weighs less and takes up less space in the bag than her more recent Flare, Corona.  I have some colored pens and a few pieces of better paper for sketching.

I packed a lunch, my usual garbanzo beans and barley with feta cheese, but I'll keep it in the car.  I'll take some cash, in case everyone eats lunch in a cafeteria.  I packed carrots to eat on the way home.

I will wear a skirt with my favorite top.  I wish I knew whether or not the buildings will be cold or stuffy.  I'll wear my closed toe sandals that are meant to evoke the shoes of Mediterranean fishermen; they are comfortable, if I need to be on my feet, and I could run in them if I had to.

I've eaten a good breakfast:  oatmeal with ground flax seed, walnuts, and dried cranberries.  It will hold me all day if it has to.

Now let me shower and finish getting ready.  Orientation starts at 8, and I'm giving myself extra time for traffic, but hoping that I'll get there early (hence the need for a book).  Let me remember that even though I don't have much information about what to expect, I have a lifetime of experience that will serve me well.  Let me strive for an open heart so that I can learn even more about myself and the world around me.  Let me be of use to these veterans who have given so much.

Thinking about CPE

This summer, starting June 9, I will be doing Clinical Pastoral Education at the Asheville VA Hospital.  It's another requirement on the path to ordination, and like so many of the requirements, I find myself with more paperwork to fill in.  Since it's the VA, there are some new elements.  I got an e-mail with instructions about how to log into the system so that I could fill in more paperwork.

When I was let go from my job in 2022, I did similar setting up to be able to get unemployment compensation.  There's a system, ID.me, that I used then and needed to use yesterday.  Happily, I still have the same cell phone number that I used then, and after a few glitches, I finally got logged in--only to discover that it transcribed only half my last name into the first form I needed to fill out.  So I clicked on the button to tell the VA about the mistake along with a photo of my driver's license to show my legal last name.  And now I wait to be able to continue with the forms.  Happily, there is time.

I don't know what to expect in terms of the weekly CPE schedule.  Will it be like a 9 to 5 job where I report to an office?  Will it be like a chaplain job where I spend time going to hospital rooms and talking to patients?  Will there be papers to write and/or debriefing sessions?  Will the schedule vary, with some overnight duties?

I don't know, so I haven't signed up for any volunteer duties at Lutheridge, and I'm trying to get some stuff done before CPE starts--some doctor visits (and a colonoscopy tomorrow), some sorting, some chores.

I also wonder if I'll have my own office.  Probably not.  Will I have a desk or a locker where I can keep things?  Will there be a place to heat up my beans and barley?  It's the meal that I take whenever I'm reporting to a place for a period of time that means I need to bring food to eat.  If I need to leave stuff locked in the car, I can do that.

When my parents were in town for the Lutheridge celebration in early May, we drove over to see the campus.  The Asheville VA Hospital looks lovely from the outside, more like a small college campus than a modern hospital.  The parking lots that stretched across the back of the property were mostly empty on a rainy Saturday afternoon, and I have no idea if they are ever filled.  Once they must have been.

I've been told that the Asheville VA Hospital is a great place to work and a great place to get care, and I hope that's true.  I've been told only good things about the CPE program there.  I'm looking forward to finding out more for myself.