Boundaries Training Then and Now

Tuesday I went to Boundaries Training.  It was by way of a Zoom session; approximately 273 people attended, most of us serving as clergy people in some capacity across the southeast U.S.  I have to assume that a lot of this information isn't new to most of us.  For example, surely by now we all realize the reasons why we should not date a parishioner, and if we decide to go ahead with that decision, how to safeguard ourselves, the parishioner, and the church, both the local church and the larger Church.

Happily, we didn't spend much time on that issue, although we did mention it.  We spent far more time on the issue of receiving gifts from parishioners and the issue of parishioners who want to invite us over for meals.  I find it hard to believe that there are parishioners who want their pastor to come for dinner, but then again, my experience has been with very small churches, and in my current, and only, position as a minister, I live 2 hours away so people haven't been inviting me to meals.

All in all, Tuesday's Boundaries Training was an interesting experience.  My small group was good, and the discussions in the Chat were fascinating.  I didn't have to leave my house, which was a plus.  I much prefer sitting at my desk, in my comfortable chair, to going to a place large enough for hundreds of participants; I don't want the drive, and I don't want the germs.

After Tuesday's event, I was thinking of past trainings I've had, the HR ones at past jobs, the ones put together by big firms elsewhere for the Art Institute of Ft. Lauderdale.  For the sexual harassment one, we learned that we should not use the photocopy machine on our body parts, and we REALLY should not ask others to copy their body parts.  That part of the training was accompanied by a picture of a busty woman from the neck to the upper thigh coming down a hallway, while two young guys hovered together with lewd looks on their beefy faces.  Ugh.

So, yes, Tuesday's training was FAR better than that one.  We talked about real issues that we might face, and even if we won't face them, it was still interesting to talk about the other ramifications that situations offered.  For example, a married pastor will get different sorts of invitations than single pastors, but they all require some caution.  There are only so many hours in the week for meals, for example, and if everyone wants the pastor to come over for dinner, how do we make sure that no one is left out?  What do we do about the parishioners who don't want to socialize that way?  Will they feel excluded?  Or maybe relieved?

The larger question, of course, is one of building community while keeping all members safe.  At the schools where I've worked, the emphasis has been on avoiding lawsuits.  That's a huge difference in the various Boundaries Trainings that I've received.

Tuesday afternoon, I felt like going out in the beautiful autumn weather after being inside all day.  We went to a local park and walked beside the creek.  Instead of going to a brewery, on our way back, we bought some goodies for a light supper on our deck.  

It was a lovely way to end a productive but tiring day.