Last night, my spouse was complaining about our choir at church, where he sings, but often doesn't feel fully included in these COVID days that have changed practices and procedures so profoundly. The conversation expanded as he recalled all sorts of negative choir experiences of his, both in church and out of church, over the past 20 years.
I remember all the times that he's been praised for his musical talent. He remembers every slight.
I am a fixer. I would like to solve the current problems he's having with the church choir. Or, to be more precise, I would like him to solve the problems he's having but to do it in a way that makes sense to me. So, I want him to have conversations and bring songs to the choir and stand his ground in the way that he wants them sung. He wants to sing in 4 part harmony, but several of the choir members like to assign a soloist to each verse and sing together on the chorus.
I don't understand why this impasse has become so difficult, why we must discuss it on the way to church, on the way home from church, and during week nights. Meanwhile, I'm dealing with my own disappointments, but I'm trying to remind myself that my disappointments may disappear as more of us get vaccinated and in-person gatherings become possible.
I get frustrated when we discuss problems and disappointments, but we don't actually move towards solving them. I've been trying to ask, "Is this mine to solve/do/fix?" I've been trying to remember that some times we just need to blow off steam. And some times, the blowing off of steam leads to problem solving--although it doesn't need to do that.
This morning, I saw this Henri Nouwen quote that someone used in a Facebook post, and it spoke to me. I'm pasting it here because it speaks to me and speaks to both my own situation and the larger difficulties we're facing as we enter into a winter of pandemic.
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