The Planning and Purposes of a Funeral

A week ago, we helped plan the funeral service for my spouse's younger brother, who died unexpectedly from a massive heart attack last week.  To be honest, we didn't do much.  The beauty of liturgy is that the framework is there.  We had been doing thinking about the Bible verses, and we all agreed:  an Old Testament justice prophet (Amos was the one we went with), Psalm 26, the Pastor's choice from Paul which he said was a standard at funerals, and a Gospel text about neighbors.  That last text turned out to be the Good Samaritan text, the one that talks about determining who our neighbor is.  Mr. Rogers was very important to my spouse's brother, and when we heard him preach last summer, on our way to Lutheridge, that was the text.

Choosing the hymns was more complicated.  The pastor wanted to open with "Lift High the Cross" and we knew of a justice hymn that was important to my brother-in-law.  For the last hymn, my spouse suggested "Canticle of the Turning," which has a great justice theme, along with the recognition that life is far from perfect right now.  It seemed like the perfect choice when my spouse suggested it at the planning meeting, and at the end of the service, it was.'

Unlike many funerals these days, the pastor actually knew the deceased.  The pastor was able to talk about his passion for justice and community, his volunteer activity, and how he had grown as a human during his internship at the church.  The pastor wove references to the hymns and readings into his sermon.

All of the elements worked together beautifully, which is how a worship service should function.  It was helped by having talented musicians and pastors and a sanctuary full of people who weren't afraid to sing.

I know that others might not have found it as beautiful as I did--we didn't have any eulogies, for example.  We did have greetings and condolences given from the lectern from groups of which my spouse's brother was part:  the diaconal association and the seminary.  The service was designed to be a function of the seminary community, since he had just graduated and was doing some post-MDiv work through them, and living in seminary housing.  I was touched by how many professors and students came, some of them from great distances.

One feature of both the service and the reception afterward is that we had a chance to hear about all the amazing thing our loved one had been doing, all the connections he had made.  It was an additional comfort, especially for his parents, who hadn't been aware of the scope of his activities.  For many years when we knew him, especially just after undergraduate school, he stayed in his room and watched old movies and played video games.  But he had grown, and I'm not sure any of us who knew him from childhood realized how much.

So in a way, we had eulogies, but in a more private and personal way.  I preferred that approach; it was less brutal, both for those doing the testifying and for us hearing it.

In short, last week was a master class in how and why to have a funeral.  As I said in a Facebook post, it's what Church does well, when Church does it well.