How Are You Holding That?

How are you holding that?

In a podcast that explores Octavia Butler's Parable of Sower chapter by chapter, in the podcast that discusses chapter 12, 37 minutes in, adrienne maree brown tells us that she uses that question when she finds out about a person's loss.  When I heard her discuss that approach to grieving, it felt important, and I wanted to record it.

I like that it gives people space to talk about how they're really feeling.  If I say, "Wow, that must be tough,"  --  well, it may not be tough, right?  It might be an unexpected blessing.

I've thought of this ambiguous grief as we approach the one year mark of when the pandemic first changed most of our lives so dramatically.  It's grief that isn't over yet, so it's a different kind of grieving.

It's also a strange kind of grief because it's been a year of big lows and also some highs, at least for most of us.  It hasn't been all bad for most of us.  How do we talk about all of that?  It's particularly strange when we're bombarded with all sorts of media that tells us how we should be feeling.  It's hard to find space to hold anything.

How are you holding that?