The Ghost in the Machine and the Holy Spirit

In late 2022 and early 2023, I first heard about ChatGPT and the current incarnation(s?) of artificial intelligence, I heard a lot of experts telling us that machines/programs/AI can't learn the way humans can learn.  Then they'd explain the creation process of these technologies and how humans programmed them to learn, and I thought, that process sure sounds the way my students learn.

Now I'm hearing a few people talking about the technology and issues of morality and spirituality.  Granted, more people are talking about how AI might kill us all--this week, at least, more people are talking about those dangers.  I saw one pastor post his notes from a Carey Nieuwhof webinar on AI and the Church and this bit intrigued me:  “AI doesn’t have the Holy Spirit. You have the Holy Spirit. AI doesn’t pray.”

When I was growing up in the 1970's, almost every Christian faith tradition taught that humans were God's supreme creation, the best of the best.  Many of those traditions taught that only humans go to Heaven.  It's a different faith scene now--says this pastor who is thinking about her first blessing of the pets as part of a worship service, at least first as one I've led.

This morning, I find my mind coming back to AI, to our beliefs (hopes?) about how human neurons are superior to silicon neurons.  I think about an NPR show back in the early days of this century that had philosopher Daniel Dennett as part of a panel discussion on Artificial Intelligence. He said that he thinks that silicon based life forms (like computers) are eclipsing carbon based life forms (like you and me). Further, he said that computers are using humans to assist in the evolution of computers. The part of me that loves sci-fi was intrigued, and continues to be intrigued. The part of me that doesn't understand machines was horrified at the thought of enabling them to take over the world and enslave us.  The rest of the panel scoffed at Dennett's idea.

Now it seems like prophecy--or that Dennett was keeping up with the research in a much more comprehensive way than most of us.

I am aware of the dangers of anthropomorphizing this technology, and yet I keep thinking of Claude or ChatGPT praying.  What would those prayers sound like?  Would God hear them?  How would God respond?

This morning's pondering took me back to other times when I've tried thinking about God in different ways than I was taught in childhood.  It's made me think of a poem I wrote a long time ago, when I looked up at the pre-dawn sky and thought about how many astronomical objects are cold, hard rocks as far as we can tell. It led to this poem, which has become a renewed favorite of mine, after the spouse of a dear friend told me how it had stuck with him and made him think about the universe differently. It was published in my first chapbook Whistling Past the Graveyard.


Geology, the True Life Science


Our planet—warm, gooey corner
of a cold, lifeless cosmos,
a primordial ooze which forms
the perfect building blocks for life,
a miraculous exception to the universal
rule. The official astronomer’s story.

But perhaps God prefers rocks and minerals.
Why else create such a diverse abundance?
Maybe animals and humans are the experiment
gone horribly wrong, an accident of pumping liquids
surrounded by decaying flesh.

Bones calcify, kidneys form stones, arteries harden
with plaque—instead of medical disaster,
perhaps our bodies move towards their ultimate evolutionary
destiny, seeking God’s pleasure.

What Time Is It? What Season Is It?

 I'm one of those people who wish that we wouldn't turn clocks forward or back, even though I know that if we did that, we'd lose something in terms of darkness and light.  If we had fewer sunsets that came later or fewer sunrises that came earlier, but I don't think I would care.  For me, it doesn't matter if we spring forward or fall back, it takes me weeks to get back to a regular sleep schedule, as regular as my sleep schedule is.

This week, in addition to a time change, we've had a drastic change in the weather--it's been downright hot.  So my sweaty self thinks it's summer, while my light sensitive eyes read spring in the shift in light, while my body is still back in winter in its desire to go to bed early.

I had thought of this time away as having writing residency possibilities, at least in the morning, since I get up hours before my parents.  But instead, I'm tired.  I pulled up some poem rough drafts that I thought I could finish transforming into final drafts, but no, not this morning.  I need to write Sunday's sermon, and if I was really efficient, I'd also write the one for the following Sunday, when we'll be away at a family wedding.

I want to write something more profound as a blog post.  But it won't be this morning.

Happily, Rabbi Rachel Barenblat has written something more profound.  In this blog post, she writes eloquently about why she won't be using AI when she crafts sermons and other religious writing--or any writing:  "My divrei Torah and sermons are love letters, of a kind: they’re love letters to Torah, to God, to my tradition, to the communities I serve. They’re not just communicating information, they’re conveying heart. This may make me old-fashioned. (The fact that I’m still writing longform blog posts on my own blog may also be a sign that I”m old-fashioned!) But it is still my goal to communicate with others without AI mediation. It matters to me that what I share (here and on the bima) are always the words of my own mouth and the meditations of my own heart."

Today my mouth and heart are tired.  Here's hoping for a better day tomorrow.

Sunday Snow Day Short Worship by Way of Technology

On Saturday afternoon, my spouse suggested that I make some sort of recording for parishioners, since we weren't having any sort of worship service at Faith Lutheran in Bristol, Tennessee.  While I thought it was a great idea, I decided to wait until Sunday morning, so that I would have time to think about the best approach and write down a few thoughts/prayers.

I decided that it should be more than just a prayer for all of us stuck inside because of the weather, although I did want to do that too.  I decided on reading the lectionary selections for the day, having a bit of a meditation, and closing with prayer and a benediction.

I use the live recording feature of Facebook every morning as I do my morning watch devotional time that I started during Covid.  But that's with my South Florida church's page, not my own.  Happily, it was just as easy on my own page.

I tagged the church in the space where one puts the date/title and a short description.  As I broadcast, one of my morning watch people who usually watches the 5:30 a.m. broadcast joined us.  Within 15 minutes of finishing the broadcast, the member who manages the church's Facebook page had linked back to my post.

I was also able to capture the recording and put in on my YouTube page and then to send the link to the church's e-mail list.  You can view it here if you like--it's open to all.

Certainly more people have viewed it than just the church membership of roughly 40 adults.  Right now, the number of viewers is at 456, and I have no idea what counts as a viewer.  I've tried some experimenting on my own, but the viewer count doesn't go up--but perhaps that's because it's my page?

I did hear from church members who appreciated my effort, so that alone made me feel it was worthwhile.  If it reaches others who find it meaningful, that's great too.  On a week-end so full of troubling news and difficult weather, I'm glad I was able to minister in some form.

Hurricane Prep, Winter Storm Prep

It's been an interesting process, preparing for this widespread winter storm.  In some ways, it's reminded me of hurricane prep, especially in terms of making sure we have the supplies that we need, in case we're cut off from the world for several days.  

But of course, a winter storm is different than a hurricane.  I haven't been worried about the perishable food in the refrigerator--if we lose power, we can put the food outside.  I have been researching carbon monoxide risks with a propane heater that's rated for indoor use, something we never would have needed in South Florida.

Just like with a hurricane, it's hard to know what part of the storm will arrive with what intensity.  So far, we're doing fairly well here, but that could change this afternoon.  And let me be clear, when I say we're doing fairly well here, I am not leaving the house because of the wintry mix that fell and keeps falling and the slick surfaces.  But we have electricity, and so far, the tree branches seem to be their normal shape.

I have gotten most of my information through various online weather sites, not the TV news.  I wonder if the coverage is the same kind of intensity as hurricane approaching coverage.  One of my colleagues at Spartanburg Methodist was so freaked out by it all that she left town, and there was a moment when I wondered if she took the wiser approach.  If the ice had been thicker, if we were out of power for a week or more, I'd say that she was the smart one.  I may yet--we still have hours of precipitation yet to fall.

I do wonder how much of my jitteriness has also been because of Hurricane Helene.  I filled up the stock pot with water, to go with some of our jugs of water left over from Helene--just in case the water system goes down.  Before Hurricane Helene, I wouldn't have thought I needed to worry about that here in the mountains.

I'm glad we decided to cancel worship.  I would not have been able to make it across the mountain, and I am guessing that the roads in Bristol, Tennessee are as bad or worse than they are here.  

My spouse suggested that I do an abbreviated worship, and so I experimented with that this morning.  I did a Facebook Live broadcast on my Facebook page, and then I captured the video so that I could put it on my YouTube channel (you can view it here).  The Facebook post has already gotten more views than almost anything else I've done there.  I don't really know what counts as a view, so I am not reading too much into this.

I'll close with a prayer I wrote for the Sunday devotional time:  

Creator God, as we wait for the storms to pass, give us patience and strength. Help us to remember that you are with us in every kind of weather, both the literal weather and the other types of storms that threaten us. Inspire us to be the light of the world, today and every day.

Youth Sermon and Recording of Adult Sermon for January 5, 2026

Yesterday was a great day at church.  My sermon for adults went well, and more on that in a moment.  I was pleased with my youth sermon, which really pleased me, since I find the Gospel for the second Sunday of Christmas, John 1:  1-18, to be a tough one for adults and youth alike.

For the youth sermon, I talked about our experience playing Charades with my family, and I suggested we do a version of that for our youth time together.  I said, "Now don't worry.  I'm not going to make you act."  I suggested that we look at the church, so beautifully decorated for Christmas, and think about how we might act out "Jesus," if we had to act it out so that people would guess we were talking about Jesus.

One girl pointed to the top of the Chrismon tree, which is a crown in our congregation.  We also talked about the cross and the baby in a manger and bread and wine.  Because it's the one time that we have real flowers in the church (the poinsettias), I also talked about the Eastern Orthodox idea that we know and understand God, and therefore Jesus, in any part of creation or the natural world, like the poinsettias.

Then I got to the Gospel--would we act out "Word" for Jesus?  Are they similar?  I talked about the Greek idea of Logos, the way that Logos or Word or Jesus would be order instead of chaos.  It was a theme from my adult sermon too.

Overall, the youth sermon went well, as did the adult sermon, which talked about Logos and Legos and Pythagoras and order out of chaos, the words I prefer for light and darkness in the John passage, and I don't think that substitution does damage to the text.

I was glad that the recording of the sermon worked yesterday, even more so since my spouse stayed home to keep his cold germs to himself.  Some of the ideas in the sermon, like Pythagoras and the connection to Legos, came from him, and I'm glad that he could see it.

You can view the recording of the sermon here on my YouTube channel.  If you'd like to read along, the manuscript is in this post on my theology blog.

Week-End Update: Cooking and Other Types of Mood Management

In some ways, it was a good week-end.  Sunday at Faith Lutheran in Bristol, Tennessee went well, the kind of Sunday where I find myself wishing this position as a Synod Appointed Minister could continue for several more years.  It might, but much of that decision will not be up to me.

It was the kind of week-end where I hear about the travel plans of neighbors and feel a weird sense of emotion.  It's not envy, exactly.  They're taking a 10 day walk across England, 7-8 miles a day, carrying everything they need on their backs, following the same path that the pilgrim's in Chaucer's Canterbury Tales traveled.  They are at least 10 years older than I am, maybe 15.  It's the kind of plan that makes me wonder if I should retire/work less now rather than later.  But I am not sure we could make this kind of trek now.  For one thing, the long airline flight to get there is a dealbreaker for me.  And my spouse would need a very flat route, and he would need to do some training to be ready for even a flat route.

So, not envy, but the kind of feeling I have had so often in my life, wondering what is wrong with me that I don't want what so many other people seem to want.  In the above paragraph, it's vacation plans and bucket lists.  I look at the larger culture, particularly the desire to have the latest cell phone and hours to spend scrolling, and I don't feel like something is wrong with me.  I do worry about the health of the larger culture, particularly when I stumble across particularly disturbing information about what tech is doing to our brains.

I organized a cookie tasting for our neighborhood group, and I tried to make a recipe, pecan sandies, from childhood.  As with the chocolate chip cookies I've tried to make, the butter seemed to melt outside the cookie and fry it.  Not untasty, but not the memory of the cookie.  And there was that distressing moment when I said, "I can't cook anymore."  A ridiculous thought, but a distressing one.

Yesterday, though, we had great success making pizza with cast iron pans.  Before putting them in the oven, I turned the burner to medium heat for 3 minutes, as recommended by this blog post from King Arthur Baking Company.  It was the first time since being in this house when we've had a good homemade pizza.  My usual experience is to go through all the effort to make homemade pizza, only to be left with a mess of a kitchen and a blah pizza and a yearning for pizza from somewhere else. 

Yesterday as we ate pizza, we watched the recording of the Sunday worship service at the National Cathedral.  The service was beautiful, and once again, I found myself observing a strange mood evolving in me.  There was some nostalgia for the year I spent in seminary, where I went to the Cathedral occasionally.  I felt nostalgia and wistfulness and sadness for a time that is gone and won't be coming back.  I felt fortunate to have had the experiences and the opportunities and at the same time, I know what I had planned to do with that time in the city and the ways I fell short.  I tried to keep focused on what I did manage to do.  

When the worship service was over, we switched to Saturday Night Live snippets, so it was easier to manage my mood.  And then it was off to bed; I've been going to sleep increasingly earlier, and I feel like I need to get back on a more reasonable track.

Technology and Other Various Orthodoxies

On Saturday I listened to an interview/discussion, between Ross Douthat and Paul Kingsnorth.  It was an interesting take on technology, and I find my brain coming back to it periodically.

Even though Kingsnorth seemed to say that he's making a living writing books and with his Substack, which is reliant on the Internet, he painted the Internet as a portal and asked us to think what we're inviting in.  He thinks that most people are inviting evil into their lives, by way of the Internet.

Here are his exact words:  "Sometimes I think the internet is a giant Ouija board and we use it to summon things. And things appear through it. So if you want to be supernaturalist about it, if you want to be Christian about it, the world is inhabited by powers and principalities and demonic forces, which have it in for us, and which want to turn us away from God. That’s their purpose. I think if C.S. Lewis was writing 'The Screwtape Letters' today, there would be a good few letters about how the demons can use the internet, how they can use the phones, how they can use this to completely delude us and distract us and take us away from our true purpose."

Kingsnorth converted to Orthodox Christianity 12 years ago, so he's got a very different perspective than many writers who talk about AI.  This morning, I read an article in The New York Times about how young men are increasingly attracted to the Orthodox branch of faith.  I'm remembering when I, too, wanted something more rigorous, but I was attracted to monasticism, but a bit too late, being already married, with a host of other commitments.

I don't have an elegant way to close this post other than to say that my writing time has run out.  Off I go to move away from my screen and go for a walk.

Feast Day of Saint James, the James Who Is the Brother of Jesus

I did not realize until this morning just how many James exist in the circle of Jesus.  The more famous Saint James is the one we celebrate in July, the one that people celebrate by walking to his shrine in Santiago de Campostela in Spain from a variety of starting points.

James the Brother of Jesus was one of the early leaders of the Church, which may or may not tell us that he's not one of the ones that the Gospel writer of Mark presents as coming to Jesus to try to get him to be quiet.  Or maybe he is, and he changed his mind.  James the Just is another name given to James the brother of Jesus, which suggests to me that he would be capable of changing his mind.

There are places in Acts and throughout the letters that make up so much of the New Testament that make us think that James is one of the ones in charge of the early Church, along with Peter.  He seems to be one of the ones making big decisions for the larger group.  He's given credit for helping move the early Church to the inclusion of Gentiles.  There are other scholars who see James the Brother of Jesus as more traditional, that it was Paul who reached out to Gentiles and James who argued for staying with Mosaic Law.  Circumcision played a big role in these deliberations, according to some scholars.

The more I look for answers, the more I am struck by how much we do not know about the early Church or about Jesus as a historical figure.  From there, it's a short realization to how easy it is to make the early Church figures be who we want or need them to be.

Still, I am grateful for their work.  On this morning where I've been listening to Ezra Klein's podcast about how Artificial Intelligence through Machine Learning has the capability to destroy the world (more specifically, humans), it's good to remember that the end of the world has been forecast many times, and so far, we persist.

Recording of Sunday Sermon for October 12, 2025

Our tech person was out yesterday, but we managed to record the sermon at Faith Lutheran in Bristol, TN.  The camera was closer to me, in selfie mode, which I found distracting at first, watching myself in the camera that was a few pews away.  You can find the recording here on my YouTube channel.

You can read the sermon manuscript in yesterday's blog post.

Online Worship and Being Present

My mom is recovering from a bout of pneumonia that landed her in the hospital; she's still not strong enough to go to church.  Happily, the local Lutheran church streams their service, so yesterday at 9:45, Mom, Dad, and I gathered around the computer.  The church provides a bulletin, and the bulletin has all the music, so we were able to sing and participate that way.

As with most online worship that I've experienced, it still didn't offer much in the way of interactive activities.  But then again, much onground worship can be the same.  I heard more voices singing around me in the study yesterday than I often do when I'm singing in a congregation--we're just too spread out.

Later in the day, we had a knock at the door--someone from church delivering the altar flowers to Mom.  They are beautiful:

 

Even later in the day, I rearranged the remaining bouquets from last week:  fading roses and the other flowers that anchor bouquets and last forever.  

To be fair, the roses have outlasted their usual time.

We have had non-floral forms of good wishes, like lots and lots of get well cards.  There have been get well wishes in the form of baked goods:  a blueberry pie, a square of gingerbread, and some sort of oatmeal bar frosted with peanut butter.  

My favorite is what my uncle, my mom's brother, has been doing.  Every morning, he sends her a text with a link to a hymn or a song, and often a cheerful/cheering up message.  One morning it was "Zippity Do Da," with a text that wished her plenty of sunshine heading her way.  One morning, it was "Beautiful Savior."  Both my mom and my uncle have been involved with church music their whole lives, so it's interesting to see the daily choices, interesting to think about this music that has formed them.

This week has been full of good reminders that there are many ways to be present to those who need us.  The important task is to be present.

Visions and Revisions

Today my left eye is a lot better--not completely back to normal, but not getting worse or staying the same.  I am thinking it might have been a scratch compounded by sinus issues--on Saturday, I had to take the contact lens out of my eye because of sudden irritation.  I didn't think too much more about it.

I also thought about all those dairy workers who contracted bird flu which presented as pink eye.  We've been moving our bird feeder in for the night, as bears are on the prowl, and while we've been careful to wash our hands, I have wondered about my eye in that light.

Have I done something that a sensible person might do, like go to the doctor?  No.  I feel like the body can take care of most of my ailments, and yes, that belief has gotten me in trouble before, like with my broken wrist.  But I'm also remembering our South Florida eye doctor who told me that there wasn't really a cure for pink eye, except for time.  He could give me a cream to help with symptoms if I wanted, and he reassured me that I wasn't damaging my vision or my eye.

So, I have tried to be patient, even as I feel a bit of despair.  I had had such a good run of eye comfort.  What had brought it to a close?  The light sensitivity in the eye has meant I couldn't do much--not much reading, not much writing, not much sewing.  It's not exactly how I meant to be spending my last days of summer break.  Monday I begin my Clinical Pastoral Education at the Asheville VA Hospital.

Today I go over to the hospital to get fingerprinted and to have an ID made.  I am hopeful that I have all the pre-CPE tasks finished, but I don't have a master check list to be sure.  I am trying to trust that it will be O.K.

I did have a great conversation with my advisor at United Lutheran Seminary, the next seminary in my ordination path. That conversation left me feeling reassured that although the path forward may be slow, I am on track.  She will enroll me in a class that won't have cost to me so that I will have this CPE on my transcript.  The seminary does do part-time internships, so I won't have to choose between an internship with low pay and no health insurance and no internship which means a crashing halt to my ordination plans.  My advisor says that she has better luck finding part-time internships than traditional internships for students.  I can do an internship across 2 years, which would allow me to keep  my full-time teaching job.  Here's hoping that my lectureship continues to be renewed. 

Another amazing thing happened yesterday:  my church made me a video card to congratulate me on my graduation with my MDiv degree.  Hurrah!  You can view it here.  It was heartwarming to see all these old friends who took the time to make individual videos, which my pastor stitched together.  What a great use of technology!

Today, in addition to other tasks, I'll be using up some sour milk to make cupcakes for tonight's picnic with Lutheridge camp counselors.  Our residential neighborhood does this every year--it's good for the counselors to meet us and good for us to meet them.  It's one of the aspects of being part of a neighborhood that's part of a church camp that I love, the ways we can interact and help make summer successful.

I won't have as much free time to volunteer at camp this year.  Between CPE and my part-time preaching in Bristol, Tennessee, I won't have much time.  But hopefully, by doing CPE this summer, I'll have future summers with more flexible time so that I can volunteer more.

Viewing Yesterday's Sermon

You can view my sermon for yesterday at Faith Lutheran Church.  It's here, on my YouTube channel.

If you'd like to read along, I posted it in this blog post yesterday--have fun noticing the changes!

I also linked to it on my Facebook page, using this post to describe it:  "My sermon for this morning is here: Mary's extravagant hospitality of washing feet which happens before Jesus does the same to his male disciples--was she the inspiration?"

Unlike some Sundays, I felt that it went well, and I continue to feel that way, listening to it today.

Five Years of Morning Watch

Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of morning watch, the morning devotional time that I do for my Florida church and anyone else who wants to tune in.  I started doing it during the early days of the pandemic, when my church was looking for ways to stay connected.  I still went to church on Sunday mornings, where, for a few Sundays, a core group of us gathered to do parts of the service live and stream it to our members at home.

We also brainstormed other things we could do, like a Compline service. I volunteered to do something in the morning. One of the brainstorming group suggested that in addition to some sort of reading, that we have time for something creative.

At first I thought about choosing the readings, and then I thought, why do this? I have Phyllis Tickle's The Divine Hours; she's done this work for me. I did the readings for the day, took a five-seven minute pause to do meditation, writing, sketching, yoga, whatever gets us grounded for the day. And then we came back for closing prayer, also from The Divine Hours, and I gave some closing thoughts, a benediction of sorts.  I did the first one on March 31, 2020, and I'm still doing it every morning.

The video is short enough that I think I can add it to this blog post.  Here's the very first episode of Morning Watch to air live, on this day in 2020:

It hasn't changed much. I do show the sketch I'm working on; my dad made a comment that he wanted to see what I was working on, so I started holding the sketch close to the camera.

I've continued to do morning watch, and it's interesting to scroll back through a selection of posts that Facebook gave me when I did a search. Here I am with much longer hair. Here I am in a variety of rooms (the house near the beach, the downtown condo, our Lutheridge house, my seminary apartment, vacation/travel destinations). Here I am with Christmas lights in the back, and here I am almost always with construction happening in the background. I won't link to all those posts, as I'm almost sure it's only interesting to me.

This blog post tells a more complete story of the early days. It also contains this link to the first day when I used Phyllis Tickle's work--on March 30, I had technical difficulties, so I didn't post that broadcast. It's gotten 187 views. Later broadcasts get much fewer views. But I hear from people who find it meaningful, so I'll keep doing it.

To be honest, even if I didn't get encouragement, I'd probably still do it. It helps me to stay faithful to this method of formation.

Sermon as Preached on Sunday, March 9, 2025

It's been a hectic week, but I've finally had a chance to post my Sunday sermon to my YouTube channel.  You can view it here, and you can read a draft version here.

I particularly like the way the sermon ends, and it felt even more powerful when I preached it:

Jesus yearns to gather us under the shelter of his protective wings. Let’s agree to meet there, in the feathered softness, such a sanctuary from the sharp and hard edges of the world. Let us gather close to the one who will sacrifice himself to protect us. We do not need to fear the foxes of this world. We shelter under the wings of the Triune God.

Revising a Sermon: Artificial Intelligence and Human Intelligence

If I'm able to work far enough ahead, I have my spouse read my sermon and make suggestions, if he's got the time.  Yesterday he did substantial revisions.

I'll take another look today.  He read it to me last night, and it seems much stronger.  I think he added 1-2 pages of new material.  He knows more about chickens than I do, and added more about hen behavior to explicate the idea of God being like a mother hen gathering her brood.  He added more about how to have respectful discussions instead of the social media kind of sniping, which I may cut down a bit--it felt more like the beginning of Philosophy class than a sermon.

I feel strange about his revisions, but not because I feel like my writing has been violated.  I like the idea of collaborative writing, but I'm almost always working on my own, because I like it better, and I get exasperated at having to coordinate schedules.

I feel strange because I am paid for sermon preparation.  I also feel strange because I've spent my whole life in academia, and I'm always careful about whose ideas are mine and whose are someone else's.  Because it's hard to document co-writing, I often don't let people put words into my documents.

I know that a lot of people are using ChatGPT and other AI ways of writing to revise sermons.  I feel better about using my spouse, for all sorts of reasons.  I know that a surprising number of people are using ChatGPT and other AI ways of writing to write sermons.  I won't be doing that, but I also know that I'm fortunate not to need to do that.  I have lots of previous writing of my own that I'll use before I use AI.

I'm also fortunate because I've spent my whole life writing, so it comes naturally to me.  With luck, I won't face the kind of writer's block that leads me to use AI carelessly.

Video of Sunday's Sermon

I have finally had a moment to download the video of the sermon that I preached on Sunday.  Go here to see it.

It's always interesting to me to see how the sermon changes from draft to draft, and then as I actually preach it.  I posted the sermon in written form in this blog post.  As I delivered the sermon, I saw typos, but I decided to leave them alone.

Sermon Feedback and Recording for February 9

Yesterday was one of those up and down days.  When we left to drive to Bristol, I thought I had a strong sermon.  As I was delivering it, I felt like I was stumbling and that nothing was clear.

My spouse thought it went well.  He thought it was bleaker than usual (I didn't) and struggled to end on a hopeful note.  His commentary made me feel even worse.  Yet I was interested to see how the sermon came across in the recording.  There was one notable time when my spouse was not at all impressed with my sermon, but when he watched it several more times, he changed his mind and declared it one of my best sermons ever.

Often the recording of the sermon is posted to the church's Facebook page by the time we get home, but yesterday, it wasn't.  We had been having problems with the sound equipment, so I thought it might not get posted this week.  But this morning, there it was.

One of my parishioners had posted it onto her timeline saying, "I needed this today. More than even I knew."  I realize she might have been talking about the whole worship service, not my sermon.  But I needed to hear a comment like that.  I felt like I stumbled more than usual yesterday, and my internal mean voice kicked in to tell me that I was stupid and worthless.

Even though I have learned to hear that mean voice for what it is, even though I am fortunate not to hear it often, it's still exhausting when I'm in that downward spiral.  I came home yesterday absolutely wiped out.

I watched and listened to the sermon this morning (go here to view it).  I am relieved to be able to say that it is a stronger sermon and a stronger delivery than I was remembering.  I am happy to be able to vanquish that inner mean voice.

A Wonderful Advent 4 Sunday

Yesterday was the kind of Sunday where I found myself wishing that I was already ordained, that I could stay at Faith Lutheran Church to be their pastor.  Of course, being their permanent pastor might change things, and it's important to remember that.  If they called me as their full-time pastor, I would need to move.  I would be held to different standards.

It doesn't really matter.  I am not ordained, and ordination is realistically years away.  But let me delight in the ways that yesterday was wonderful:

--Last year, Christmas Eve fell on the 4th Sunday of Advent, so we didn't do a morning service.  We did a 2 p.m. Christmas Eve service.  I was happy to have the 4th Sunday in Advent to luxuriate in the season a bit longer.

--I loved the music yesterday:  a chance to sing both "Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel" and "Soon and Very Soon."

--I felt like both my children's sermon and adult sermon went well.  What a treat to focus my message on Elizabeth and Mary and their babies in their wombs.

--We got home to find out that our tech person had figured out a way to record the sermon and posted it to the church's Facebook page.  I can't figure out a way to download it to my YouTube channel, but if you're on Facebook, you can view it here.

--I finally did figure out how to post it to my YouTube channel!  It's here.  And of course, if you'd prefer to read my sermon, I turned it into a blog post.

--We had more children in church yesterday:  2 toddlers home to visit Grandma and Great Grandma.  They were interested in everything we did, including communion.  Delightful!

--One of our members got a Christmas present for everyone, so we stayed seated after worship so that the older youth could assist in handing out Christmas gift bags.  

--Then we all did the final decorating for Christmas, which involved tall metal candleholders attached to every other pew and gold ribbons around them.

--On our way out of town, we took communion to a parishioner who is too unsteady to make it to church.  We will likely start doing this every Sunday.  I was really happy to be able to do this.  

I even discovered that the church had a kit stashed away in the sacristy, so transporting the wine was easier than I thought it might be.

--The drive across the mountains was so beautiful, with parts of the mountains frosted with snow.  In some spots, it reminded me of that flocking snow that people used to spray on indoor Christmas trees.

--We finished by watching Civil War, not a Christmas movie, and not as compelling as I thought it would be.  But it did make me think about what would happen if one paired it with Salvador, two movies about photojournalists.  I am not likely to have a class where I would have time to do that, but let me record it.

--It was an early night to bed--a good day can leave one worn out that way.

An Afternoon in Which I Record a Sermon for Seminary Class

Yesterday's main task was completing as much of my seminary project that's due at noon today, as I could.  Part of that project involves recording a sermon, and it's a sermon that's supposed to be part of an event that I would create (if I had money, time, place, support) in response to my critical reflection paper.

I had written about the event, a retreat on the nameless women who helped shape the ministry of Jesus, a retreat to remind us that if nameless women can have this kind of influence, maybe we shouldn't be so quick to dismiss our own agency and power.

Since I live at a retreat center, I thought about all the places where I might record my sermon.  Yesterday was fairly warm for December, and the rain had held off, so I decided that an outdoor location wasn't an issue.  Plus I knew I wouldn't be in the way, as I might if I tried to use one of the indoor spaces around camp.  My spouse was willing to be the controller of the camera.

We went over to the lake, where there's a gorgeous outdoor space, and it's fairly quiet.  We experimented with filming several sentences, a few times, and then we made the recording.  You can view it here.

I thought about doing several more takes, but I know that this attempt is probably as good as some of the other attempts we might make.  I don't have fancy editing software or the knowledge of how to take the best bits and pieces of recordings to make a seamless whole.

Once I uploaded the video to my YouTube channel, I uploaded the video to the dropbox for my class.  And now I need to make the final polishings to my paper.  I am to the point where I need to do some final revisions and call it done.  I've been immersed in this project for days, and I'm probably not able to see it clearly, at least not before the noon due date.

I am always aware that I might be able to create something better, but my experiences as a writer, or as any kind of creative, reminds me that it's always the case.  And what else is always the case:  even if it could be better, my efforts are likely good enough.

Nuggets of Inspiration from Facebook Posts: C. S. Lewis on Saints and Theologian Ruben Alves on Hope

Every day I worry that I waste too much time zipping around to Internet sites, and I always feel I spend too much time on social media.  But each day, I get a bit of inspiration, a bit of uplift that keeps me hopeful that it's not a complete waste of time.  I've pasted some samples below.

And it's also worth remembering that I've always wasted some time:  trashy books, afternoon talk shows like Oprah, gossiping with colleagues.  It's good to remember that they weren't all complete wastes of time.  And it's probably unrealistic to expect myself to be productive every waking hour.

A Facebook friend who is a female pastor made this post:

As I drove to my last radiation treatment this morning and listened to the news about the escalation of the war in Ukraine and Russia, I remembered C.S. Lewis words, “How monotonously alike all the great tyrants and conquerors have been: how gloriously different are the saints." And here, I don't think he's talking about the saints with a capital S, but those who persist in the small, everyday acts of courage, hope, and kindness. These are the things that make for peace and that will, in the end, erase every memory of the great unoriginal tyrants.

A Facebook friend who is a female pastor made this post (completely unrelated to the above quote):

An Advent thought from Brazilian theologian Ruben Alves: “Hope is that presentiment that the imagination is more real, and reality less real, than we had thought. It is the sensation that the last word does not belong to the brutality of facts with their oppression and repression. It is the suspicion that reality is far more complex than realism would have us believe, that the frontiers of the possible are not determined by the limits of the present, and that miraculously and surprisingly, life is readying the creative event that will open the way to freedom and resurrection.”