Last night, my small CD group (for my seminary Spiritual Formation class) met. We had a devotional that talked about God breaking us to get us to the point where we will accept growth. I resisted my first impulse, which was to proclaim, "This is bad, bad theology." I do believe it's bad theology, but I also understand the religious tradition that embraces it. I am trying not to be the seminarian that offends people from conservative traditions and shuts down conversation.
I did work my way around to expressing my discomfort with that idea of God. Several other group members also had some problems with believing in that kind of God. I also understand why someone who is going through some tough times would find it attractive to believe that there's a larger purpose. I do believe in a God who can help us make the most out of bad situations, but I don't believe in a God who sends us difficult situations to break us, even if it's what helps us become better people.
I also wonder if the devotional had used a different verb than "break," would we have seen the concept a different way?
I've been thinking a lot about the idea of how God gets involved in our lives. I do believe in free will, and I do understand that one of the natural outcomes of believing in free will means that I have to give up the idea of an omniscient, omnipotent God; if I have truly free will, God can't know how I will respond, and God can't interfere no matter how God might want to. God might be able to intervene if I use my free will to ask for assistance, but if it involves someone else who hasn't asked for Divine assistance, God can't intervene.
When I was severed from my job last week, it was two days after my spouse and I had had a conversation about our future and how long it would take me to get through seminary given various scenarios. I said, "If I'm working full-time, it will take me at least 5 to 7 years to finish seminary." When I was severed two days later, I thought, maybe God is trying to tell me something; maybe God is saying, "I need you on the 3 year plan."
I don't really think that God put the idea to sever me in the minds of my former bosses. But the events of the past several weeks could lead me to think that God had a plan to protect me. Just 2 weeks earlier, we had sold our house, which might seem like part of a Divine plan. Of course, we made the decision to put the house on the market back in May, when we saw how quickly the housing market was rising and we knew my job was likely to end either in September or December.
I interpret these events not as part of God's plan, since I don't believe God has a plan with that kind of specificity. But someone who wanted to believe in that kind of God with a monthly plan for each and every one of us, I could spin the events of the past year to support that.
I wish I had some pithy way to wrap up all these threads to result in a beautiful weaving, but I don't. After all, Christians have been discussing/arguing about the theology of free will for centuries. If I was the kind of person who believed in a God who opens windows when doors slam shut, I'd conclude by saying that I'm interested to see what windows and doors open now.
Instead, I'll just say that I'm interested in what visions seem more possible, now that other visions have ended.
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