I was scheduled to see my spiritual director last week, but I had to move the appointment to yesterday because last week had some visits to the campus from some of the corporate folks. Yesterday was a quiet day on campus, so it was easy to slip away.
We began by talking about my seminary classes. She is both interested in my classes while being happy that it's me and not her. Would I feel the same way if I was talking to someone just beginning an MA in English Lit? No, not exactly.
A side note: I think I am loving my classes so much because I'm more interested in being a seminarian than in being a pastor right now. So I'm less impatient with it all. I'm also more interested in getting a PhD in theology, so it feels like I'm experiencing a variation of that, with classes that are doable with my current life.
We talked about my work situation which has changed. I've spent the better part of this year thinking I would lose my job in September or December of 2021, when the campus was scheduled to close. Now, not only is the campus staying open, but a different campus will be closing and those people moving to my campus--unless the plan changes again. So I'll continue taking my seminary classes in this remote/virtual/online format and try to stay open to possibilities.
We talked about the other aspects of my life, the house sale which has hit a few hiccups in particular. We talked about my approach, which is to remember to pray. We talked about the fact that I'm remembering to pray earlier in my process than I used to. I told her about my approach to my spouse, when he's been having a tough time with aspects of this transition, especially about a morning when I went for a walk and spent about 20 minutes solving a problem that my spouse hadn't articulated. I reminded myself to back off, and I waited, letting my spouse know that I knew that he was struggling and that I'm here for him if he needs me.
We talked about my thinking that if I was truly spiritually evolved, I wouldn't even begin solving those problems that have yet to manifest, but yet I do see improvement, that I see earlier in my spiraling process that I'm heading in a not useful direction, and I'm able to short circuit that process. We talked about whether or not most of us will ever get to the point where we have no worries at all, where we are that detached.
Along the way, we talked about her mini retreat that she had taken and the labyrinth that she had walked, with its small stones that at first seem out of place, but serve as corrective. We talked about how the Holy Spirit uses corrective stones. Reformation Sunday and All Saints was on both of our brains, since that's where we are in the Lutheran/church calendar.
We finished by my spiritual director telling me that she sensed a real change in my approach to life's issues, that I'm less anxious and more willing to let events unfold and deal with them as they come, instead of plotting and planning for potential problems (which may or may not happen). She said she sensed that I was moving from a place of consolation (to use that Ignatian term) not desolation.
One of my friends asked me if I would keep seeing her even when I was done with my spiritual direction certificate program. I plan to keep seeing her, keep going in for "tune ups," as long as I can keep making that long, long drive to her.
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