Eleventh Visit to the Spiritual Director

Yesterday I went to see my spiritual director for the eleventh time.  We talked about my experience of the online onground intensive, my wandering attention, my wanting to go to other open windows and do something else while the intensive was happening.  We talked about all the ways that attention spans are fractured.

I brought up my Mepkin journaling group and the segment we discussed on Wednesday night.  I talked about the suggestion (by St. John of the Cross?) that we sit in silence and encroaching darkness as day slips into night.  Sit this way for an hour, thinking of nothing, being open to God--then get up, take off your clothes, and go to sleep.  

We talked about how I found the idea of this impossible.  And then we talked about starting much smaller--for 5 minutes, for example.  We've talked about this before.  Our thoughts often come back to the idea of centering prayer.

My spiritual director reminded me that we've talked about this before, and she reminded me that I don't have to do a spiritual practice.  She asked me why I felt like I should.

I talked about teaching poetry and telling my students that when an image shows up again and again, it likely has a larger significance.  Similarly, when I've been bumping up against the idea of centering prayer again and again in a variety of settings, I wonder if God is trying to tell me something.

So I decided that I would be a bit more committed to the idea of centering prayer between now and the next   My spiritual director showed me an app, but I'm not sure it will work on a regular computer.  I don't have a smart phone because I don't need one more electronic pulling my attention into a zillion fragments.

As always, I found the time fruitful, even as we're circling back to topics we've discussed before.  And I did find the traffic and the trip a significant negative.  I wonder what it would be like to finish the time of direction and be able to stay in the good headspace.