Thoughts on Solitude

Before last week gets too far away from me, let me records some thoughts on solitude, which was one of the spiritual focus elements of the onground intensive for the certificate in spiritual direction.  Before last week, I would have thought I had mastered the art of solitude to some degree, but last week showed me how wrong I am.

We had three hours on Thursday that we were supposed to spend in solitude--we entered into this time of solitude in an effort to spend time with God.  We decided that napping was fine, but reading was not--it's too similar to bingewatching movies or TV.  We won't hear God if we fill our brains with something else.

We were allowed to journal, and I decided that journaling was the only writing I would allow myself. If I wrote a short story or worked on my novel, it would be too easy to lose myself in that process.  If I had an idea for a poem, I'd have let myself write that too, but I didn't have anything percolating.

At first I decided to walk around campus taking pictures, which I did.  I did some journaling, but had trouble finding a place where I was comfortable--the library was stuffy, the outside was too breezy.  I walked some more.  I kept checking my watch impatiently wondering when it would be time for dinner.  I was reminded of my mental state at the end of yoga class when we hold the corpse pose and empty our minds.  It's not easy for me.

One of our leaders talked about how solitude could be a practice that we could adopt whenever we needed it--less a place or a state of being alone, but a true mental attitude.

This morning, though, I was thinking about how I need to practice solitude in the traditional sense:  to be alone, with electronics turned off, to be open to hearing something instead of the din of the world.  I am so tired of the yammering and the shouting and the low grade rumbles that are so hard to tune out.

I also want to remember the ultimate purpose.  It's great if I feel some relief from the anxiety that never seems to recede.  But the reason to adopt this practice is to be able to hear God and develop a relationship with God.

I began the week by reading part of this meditation written by Richard Rohr:   "It does concern me how often all kinds of inner work are called contemplation, but they do not lead us to a full contemplative stance. We shouldn’t confuse insight-gathering and introspection with contemplative spirituality. Contemplation is about letting go of what is false and incomplete much more than it is about collecting what is new, no matter how true, therapeutic, or helpful it is. In other words, if personal growth is still our focus, I do not think we are contemplative yet. True transformation demands that we shed ourselves as the central reference point. Jesus said, “Unless the single grain of wheat dies, it remains just a single grain,” and it will not bear much fruit (John 12:24). Self-help and personal growth are not of themselves the open field of grace where we move beyond self-preoccupation."

That paragraph struck me when I read it on Monday, January 13--and then I went off to my onground intensive where these words rang in my ears throughout the week.  How delightful!

I wish that I could say that I have a plan for inviting more solitude into my life.  I don't yet.  But I'm planning to look for ways to seize some solitude time.  I probably won't have 3 hours ever again--or at least not until the next onground intensive.  But if other practices have taught me anything, it's that some small amount of time is better than no time.  If we wait until we have a big chunk of time, we will get nothing done.