Yesterday was one of those up and down days. When we left to drive to Bristol, I thought I had a strong sermon. As I was delivering it, I felt like I was stumbling and that nothing was clear.
My spouse thought it went well. He thought it was bleaker than usual (I didn't) and struggled to end on a hopeful note. His commentary made me feel even worse. Yet I was interested to see how the sermon came across in the recording. There was one notable time when my spouse was not at all impressed with my sermon, but when he watched it several more times, he changed his mind and declared it one of my best sermons ever.
Often the recording of the sermon is posted to the church's Facebook page by the time we get home, but yesterday, it wasn't. We had been having problems with the sound equipment, so I thought it might not get posted this week. But this morning, there it was.
One of my parishioners had posted it onto her timeline saying, "I needed this today. More than even I knew." I realize she might have been talking about the whole worship service, not my sermon. But I needed to hear a comment like that. I felt like I stumbled more than usual yesterday, and my internal mean voice kicked in to tell me that I was stupid and worthless.
Even though I have learned to hear that mean voice for what it is, even though I am fortunate not to hear it often, it's still exhausting when I'm in that downward spiral. I came home yesterday absolutely wiped out.
I watched and listened to the sermon this morning (go here to view it). I am relieved to be able to say that it is a stronger sermon and a stronger delivery than I was remembering. I am happy to be able to vanquish that inner mean voice.
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